


What You Have

by mithrel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Blanket Permission, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-19
Updated: 2009-08-20
Packaged: 2017-11-11 00:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Arthur finds out–and leaves Camelot in a blaze of fury for a few weeks on a diplomatic visit to a neighboring kingdom, leaving Merlin behind. Something terrible happens to Merlin in his absence and the knights Arthur has left behind become protective of Merlin. When Arthur treats Merlin coldly upon his return, the knights take him to task and make him realize Merlin's true value.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What You Have

“You have magic,” Arthur accused Merlin.

“Arthur, I–”

Arthur continued right over his protests, “You have _magic!_ You’re a _sorcerer_ and you _lied_ to me!”

“I had to! If your father found out…”

Arthur turned away from him. “I’ve been sent to negotiate a treaty with Lord Renshaw. I won’t be back for several weeks.” And he swept out of the room, leaving Merlin shattered.

***

Sir Agravaine was walking toward the training grounds when he heard voices. It was unworthy of a knight to eavesdrop, but what they were saying caught his attention.

“…quite pleasant. He cried most prettily at the end.”

It was Lord Ainsley, visiting from the northern border of Camelot, and he seemed to be describing some unwilling conquest.

“Is that wise?” a second voice asked. “He’s the prince’s manservant. If he finds out…”

Lord Ainsley laughed nastily. “He wouldn’t dare tell anyone. I made sure of that. Besides, who would believe him?”

Sir Agravaine quickly turned in another direction so they wouldn’t know he’d heard, then headed for the court physician’s quarters.

***

“Sir Agravaine,” Gaius said when he saw him. “Are you ill?”

“No, I am not ill. I wish to speak with your assistant, if you would.”

“With Merlin?” Gaius’ brow furrowed.

“Yes. Is he here?”

“I’ll get him.”

Within moments, Merlin came out. “You wished to speak with me, sir?”

Sir Agravaine noticed that his cheek was heavily bruised. “Walk with me,” he said, putting a hand behind Merlin’s shoulder and steering him away.

All the knights were fond of Merlin, for his unswerving loyalty to Arthur, and no few of them had noticed a change in the Prince from when Merlin first came to Camelot.

Once they were in his own quarters, Sir Agravaine looked at Merlin. “Where did you get that bruise?”

“What? Oh!” Merlin’s hand came up to his cheek. “It’s nothing, I just…fell.”

A plausible excuse, given Merlin’s clumsiness. “And did you happen to fall somewhere in the vicinity of Lord Ainsley?”

Merlin’s fists clenched. “What do you mean by that?”

“I heard him telling someone what he did to you. If you want to go to Uther I’ll back you up.”

“What? N-no, I couldn’t! I d-don’t want anyone to know!”

“He shouldn’t be allowed to abuse his position like that!” Agravaine protested.

“Please, promise me you won’t tell anyone?”

Agravaine hesitated, then said, “I won’t tell anyone he took advantage of you.”

Merlin slumped in his chair, sighing in relief.

***

That day, Agravaine called his squire over. “Be careful of Lord Ainsley, Elwood.”

“Sir?”

“He’s been known to abuse the servants.”

His squire nodded. “Thank you, sir!”

He hadn’t mentioned Merlin at all, and if Elwood chose to tell the rest of the servants to beware of Lord Ainsley, so much the better.

***

He was trying to think of a way to pay Ainsley back, when Sir Colgrevance sat down next to him with a sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s that Lord Ainsley! He’s insufferable! He treats everyone except the king like they’re beneath his notice, and he keeps making snide comments about the ‘adequacy’ of Camelot’s knights.”

Agravaine thought of something suddenly. “You know, there are barbarians on the northern border. Ainsley needs to keep fit. He’s been lazing about since he came here; don’t want him to lose his edge. What’s say we invite him to train with us?”

Colgrevance grinned.

***

Ainsley readily agreed to train with them starting tomorrow. That afternoon Agravaine instructed his squire to take the day off tomorrow.

“But won’t you need someone to help you with your armour?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He caught sight of Merlin with a basket in his hand, headed for the woods. He called him over.

“Merlin, I was wondering. My squire has been working hard lately, so I gave him tomorrow off. But I’m training tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would help me with my armour.”

“Uh…sure.”

“Thank you.”

***

The following day, Ainsley showed up at the training field. Merlin tensed when he saw him, but stayed focussed on his task.

He waited on the sidelines to help Sir Agravaine off with his armour when he was done.

Lord Ainsley was passable at fighting, but Arthur was a stern taskmaster. His knights bested him one by one, quietly, without making a fuss or gloating. Sir Agravaine, waiting for his turn, looked at Merlin and winked.

***

Agravaine had thought that would be an end to the problem, but Merlin was still upset. He supposed it was because Arthur was gone.

He and the other knights took to greeting him courteously whenever they saw him. Agravaine kept an eye on Lord Ainsley whenever he was anywhere near Merlin. And when Sir Lucan’s manservant was making snide comments to Merlin at a feast one night, Lucan called him over and had a hushed conversation with him. Looking shamefaced, he went over to Merlin and apologised.

***

In due course Arthur came back. Agravaine was in the stables when he did. He nodded to him. “Sire. Welcome back.”

“Thank you.”

Arthur resumed training with the knights. Merlin stood by to help him with his armour, as always. Arthur never said a word to him, unless he made a mistake, in which case he went on about his faults at great length, in deadly earnest, rather than the good-natured teasing he used to engage in. And Merlin stood meekly, nodding and saying, “Yes, sire.”

The knights noticed, and wondered what had happened. Arthur and Merlin had always been unusually close, but now Arthur was treating him the way he'd treated servants before Merlin came to Camelot. And Merlin never hesitated to speak his mind, but now he never did anything to defend himself, even when Arthur was harsh all out of proportion to his mistake.

They discussed it, and decided to confront him about it: not all of them, just those he most trusted. So Agravaine approached him. “Sire, may I speak with you tonight? It’s a matter of some urgency.”

“Of course,” Arthur said immediately.

When Arthur came to his quarters, he was surprised to find not only Sir Agravaine, but also Sir Lionel and Sir Caradoc.

“We wished to speak with you about your recent treatment of Merlin,” Agravaine began.

Arthur’s face hardened. “I don’t see that that’s any of your business.”

“Respect, sire,” Lionel said, “But we’re all fond of Merlin, and loyal to you, and we were wondering what had happened between you.”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you treating him so coldly?” Caradoc wanted to know. “All he’s ever done is be loyal to you. He risked his own life to save yours. Twice.”

“It seems to me,” Agravaine concluded. “That Merlin is an exceedingly rare commodity in a servant: someone who would give his life for you without a second thought. You would be a fool to throw that gift away.”

“I see,” Arthur said, his face stormy. “Anything else you’d like to tell me? Maybe I need to work on my swordplay, or patrol more often?”

Agravaine bowed. “No, sire.”

And he and the other knights left.

***

_Of all the nerve! They have_ no idea! _‘Rare commodity’! He_ lied _to me!_

Arthur threw himself down in a chair and reached for his wine.

_They’re right, you know,_ a part of him said. _You have been treating Merlin unfairly._

Arthur sighed. He’d missed Merlin, while he was away. He still did. Merlin performed his duties as always, but he was subservient, meek, almost cringing, and that wasn’t the Merlin Arthur knew.

_What would have happened if he’d told you? You’d have gone to your father._

Maybe he would have, in the beginning. Not now. Not after everything he and Merlin had been through together.

_You’re hurt because he didn’t trust you; that’s understandable. But is that any reason to treat Merlin the way you have been?_

Arthur sighed again. He supposed not. He hated admitting he was wrong, but in this case it seemed he had to.

It was still early. He got up and headed for Gaius’.

***

Gaius was surprised to see him. “Is there something I can do for you, Sire?”

“I just came to talk to Merlin.”

“Of course.”

A moment later Merlin was standing in front of him. “What do you want?” he asked sullenly.

Arthur squared his shoulders, looked him in the eye and said, “I’m sorry.”

Merlin gaped at him.

“For how I reacted,” he continued. “I was hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me, but I shouldn’t have been treating you the way I have.”

“Uh…OK?”

“I missed you. While I was gone.”

Merlin smiled softly. “So did I.”

The silence stretched, and Arthur cleared his throat awkwardly. “Try to be on time tomorrow, would you?”

And Merlin grinned, the smile he’d missed since he left. “Yes, sire!”


	2. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agravaine talks to Arthur.

“Sire, may I speak with you?”

Arthur looked over from where he’d been drilling, to see Sir Agravaine. “Yes?”

“It’s about Merlin.”

Arthur scowled slightly. “You were right, Agravaine, I was treating him too harshly. We’ve reconciled.”

Agravaine nodded. “Yes, sire. But…something happened, while you were away.”

The hesitation made Arthur’s stomach clench. “What happened?”

Agravaine sighed. “I cannot tell you.”

“What? Why bring it up if you won’t tell me?”

“No, sire. I _cannot_ tell you. I promised I wouldn’t. But you should talk to Merlin about Lord Ainsley.”

“Lord Ainsley? What about him?” Arthur had met Lord Ainsley when he came back, and thought him an ignorant, ill-mannered fop.

“Ask Merlin,” Agravaine urged him, and turned to go, leaving Arthur wondering what was going on.

***

“Merlin,” Arthur said casually, later that evening. “I had a most interesting conversation with Sir Agravaine today.”

“Did you?” Merlin asked absently, picking up the tray with Arthur’s dinner and heading for the door.

“About Lord Ainsley.”

Merlin dropped the tray.

Arthur winced at the crash, then walked over to Merlin, who was standing hunched over, his arms around his body as if he was cold.

Arthur put a hand on his shoulder. Merlin flinched away, his eyes accusing. “He promised he wouldn’t tell!”

“He didn’t. He told me to ask you about it.”

Merlin relaxed infinitesimally, though his eyes were still haunted. “It was nothing.”

Arthur gave the wreckage on the floor a pointed look.

“Really, it’s not important!”

Arthur sighed. “Merlin, it was obviously important enough for Agravaine to speak to me about it. What happened?”

“Don’t hate me?”

Arthur stared at him for a moment. “What?”

“Do you promise not to hate me…if I tell you?”

“Merlin, there is _nothing_ you can say that will make me hate you!” Arthur said, apprehension settling cold in his gut.

And so Merlin told him, in a small voice, stopping occasionally. He started crying halfway through, and Arthur held him, even though what he really wanted to do was tie Lord Ainsley down in range of a hill of fire-ants.

How Lord Ainsley had asked Merlin to come to his chambers. How he’d locked the door and then overpowered Merlin and raped him, hitting him across the face when he tried to fight back. How, when it was over, he told him that no one would believe him if he said anything. “There’s no proof I did anything. It’s your word against mine, and who do you think they’ll believe?” How he’d managed to get back to his chambers when Gaius was gone and healed the worst injuries with magic, because he didn’t dare ask Gaius for help.

The worst part was, Merlin could have quite easily defended himself, but to do that he would have revealed himself as a sorcerer.

Merlin looked up at him, and his face went white. “You’re angry.”

Arthur forced his rage down with difficulty. “Yes, I’m angry. I’m _furious!_ But not with you. You should tell my father…”

“I don’t want to give Uther any excuse to notice me!” Merlin protested. “It’s fine.”

Arthur sighed. It was most certainly not fine. “Alright. If that’s what you want.”

***

“Lord Ainsley,” Arthur said one day not long after that. “Tell me, have you been hunting while in Camelot?”

Ainsley smirked at him. “No, my lord Arthur, I have not.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have you go home without seeing the game we have here. Come hunting with me tomorrow!”

Lord Ainsley smirked again and nodded. “Very well. We shall see whether the game in Camelot lives up to its reputation.”

Arthur ground his teeth.

***

The next day Arthur rode with Ainsley out to the woods. This was considerably more isolated than the city, but Lord Ainsley had brought his squire, and he didn’t want any witnesses.

However, Ainsley soon sent him on ahead to flush out the game, and Arthur took his opportunity.

He dismounted from his horse. “Come over here, there’s something I want to show you.”

Puzzled, Lord Ainsley dismounted and followed him into a small grove of trees.

Arthur pushed him up against a tree, his sword at his throat. Lord Ainsley’s eyes widened.

“Now you listen to me!” Arthur growled venomously. “If I hear you’ve mistreated the servants again, I’ll go to my father. And if you _ever_ lay a hand on Merlin again, I will personally flay your skin from your body and roll you in salt, is that clear?”

“You can’t do this!” Ainsley babbled wildly. “I’ll protest this treatment!”

Arthur’s answering grin was wolfish. “Go right ahead. There’s no proof I did anything. It’s your word against mine, and who do you think they’ll believe?”

Ainsley snarled at him as he let him up.

“And by the way…in case you were thinking of taking personal retribution. It would call the wrath of my father and all of Camelot down on your head. And I personally train all my knights, although none of them are quite up to my standards. Remember that.”

Ainsley scowled, knowing Arthur had seen him bested by the knights.

“When your business here is concluded, you will leave, and never darken Camelot’s gates again.”

***

Merlin stood attending Arthur, keeping a nervous eye on Lord Ainsley all the while. This feast was a farewell for him, and Merlin was only too glad of it.

Since he was watching him closely, he saw him darting looks at Arthur, half terrified, half furious. Arthur ignored him completely.

He decided to ask Arthur about it after the feast.

***

“Why was Lord Ainsley looking at you like that?” Merlin asked later.

“Like what?” Arthur asked innocently.

“Like he wanted to throttle you, but was afraid you’d disembowel him.”

“Oh, yes, that. I had a conversation with him a few days ago.”

Merlin’s eyes narrowed. “What sort of ‘conversation’?”

“I told him that his treatment of the servants was unacceptable, and if he ever laid a hand on you again, he’d regret it!” Arthur said, rising from where he’d been sitting.

Merlin blinked at his fierceness. “Why?”

“Because I’d be sure to kill him slowly.”

Merlin shot him an exasperated look. “No, I mean why…why would you do that?”

“Because…” Arthur hedged, knowing his reaction had been extreme, but not wanting to talk about it.

“That’s not an answer.”

“Because there are certain protections a servant enjoys, and one of them is being allowed to go about his duties free from molestation,” Arthur sighed, collapsing into his chair again.

Merlin’s face darkened. “So that’s all it was…someone laid a hand on your property?”

“You’re not _property,_ Merlin!” _God, how can he think that?_

“But I am just a servant,” he said, somewhat sadly.

“Of course you’re not just a servant!” Arthur shot back. “Other servants don’t call me a prat to my face. Other servants haven’t saved my life God knows how many times! I _certainly_ wouldn’t risk my own life for someone 'just a servant!' Other servants–” he stopped abruptly.

“What?” Merlin asked.

Arthur didn’t answer. If he were honest with himself, he’d know the reason he’d reacted so strongly to what Lord Ainsley had done was because Merlin was _Merlin,_ and he wanted…but he couldn’t bring it up now, not after what had happened.

“Arthur?”

Merlin came over to him, and he looked so lost that Arthur reached out and put a hand on his cheek, then abruptly remembered himself and turned away.

“Would you have reacted like that if he’d gone after someone else?” Merlin asked quietly.

Of course he wouldn’t have. He might have warned his servants to be careful, but he wouldn’t have gone after Ainsley himself. “No.”

“Why?” Merlin asked again.

Arthur sighed. “Because you’re you. You’re the closest thing to a real friend I’ve got, and I…”

“You what?” Merlin prompted.

“It’s not important. I don’t want to force you into anything, especially not after…”

“And if you weren’t forcing me?”

Arthur looked sharply at Merlin, as he leaned down and kissed him.

Arthur kissed him back, still not sure this was happening, or that it wouldn’t ruin everything they’d built over the course of their relationship.

Merlin pulled away and smiled at him. “You don’t need to worry about coercing me. After all, have I ever had trouble speaking my mind?”

Arthur laughed. “No, no you haven’t.”


End file.
